


Jared’s No Good Very Bad Time Loop

by still_a_jared_stan



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Connor Lives AU, F/F, Fix-It of Sorts, Jared Has A Bad Day Over And Over Again, M/M, Multi, Other, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Time Loop, alana and zoe are LESBIANS, folks die sometimes oops, kind of, projecting? In my fics? It’s more likely than you think, summaries are also hard, tags are hard ok and its late, yeah uh
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-26
Updated: 2019-04-27
Packaged: 2019-10-16 11:12:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,661
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17548592
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/still_a_jared_stan/pseuds/still_a_jared_stan
Summary: The Connor Project blew up, negatively, big surprise. Evan refuses to acknowledge his existence and the only person he really has is Alana, who is more than content to keep him at arms length after the whole truth incident. But Jared just got accepted into his dream school and is ready to start over and maybe even be better.Until he wakes up in his bed, on the first day of senior year.





	1. Opening Note

**Author's Note:**

> what up im Alex im 19 and i never fuckin learned how to write

me: im not super into DEH or writing anymore :/ 

me, at 12:23 am: sees one (1) art of a sad Jared on my dash

me, shaking and furiously typing: I Have Never Been More Passionate About DEH In My Entire Life And I Would Kill For Jared Kleinman 

 

so uh. Hey y’all. been a while huh? sorry about the whole. sudden death thing. writing just wasn’t doin it for me anymore. but I’ve been recently gettin back into the swing of things and I’m hoping to keep it goin with this! I ain’t gonna promise regular updates bc frankly my creativity is a slippery bitch so. I’ll update when I update I guess?? This chapter is mostly just an announcement that I’m back and that this is the work I’ll be focusing most on. I might? Touch on slushie buddies again?? but don’t hold me to that. 

First chapter will hopefully? Be up soon? Fingers crossed I guess aiduebfidhs


	2. Loop 1: Jared Is Less Of A Dick

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> First Loop Babey!!

The Connor Project was a dark stain on Jared’s already horrific reputation. It led to him losing his only friend, dropping all his social media for around half a month out of stress and worry that he’d see thousands of hate messages and death threats, and having two panic attacks (the first after Evan called him out and the second a few days later when the full truth of the Connor Project came out). He was nervous, wondering when the show was finally gonna drop and he’d get in trouble for the emails. 

It never came, lucky him. No real consequences ever found their way to him, and he wasn’t sure whether to be relieved and let it go or to be even more cautious and stressed as a result. 

After a month, he was finally able to somewhat relax. He was sure that, if he was going to get in trouble, it would’ve happened by now. He hadn’t gotten any death threats, no call outs, not even a message asking why he hadn’t been online for so long (which, admittedly stung but he’d eat glass before admitting that to anyone, not that he had anyone left to admit it to). 

Life simply continued, as if nothing had even happened. The Connor Project blew over surprisingly fast and folks moved on to the next big tragedy, as they do. He didn’t talk to Evan anymore, they passed each other in the halls but neither spoke a word. Alana would wave and occasionally said hello but seemed content to ignore him and he respected that. He did kind of risk her entire academic career with the Connor Project, however indirectly. Zoe never had any business to talk to him before and now that she and Evan seemed to be attached at the hip, she had even less of one but he didn’t care about her all that much. 

Jared ended senior year alone, his parents stayed briefly to watch him get his diploma before rushing out, having to catch a flight for their next business trip. They offered him some plastic flowers and a quick hug before rushing out the door. He waved at Heidi when she called out to him but didn’t stay to chat, quickly driving himself home to break into his dad’s liquor cabinet. 

College applications went smoothly, he was even able to get a scholarship and got in to his second choice school (a bummer kind of but an accomplishment nonetheless). He’d moved out into the dorm quickly, on his own as his parents had left on yet another business trip, not that he cared. He was used to it at this point. His roommate was this tall and intimidating looking guy named Cyrus who turned out to be nice, just awkward with most social interactions. He seemed to like Jared well enough from the short time they interacted which was a plus as he’d be spending quite a bit of time with the guy. 

The move in had gone relatively smoothly, he’d only dropped around half of his boxes which was good, for Jared at least. He now lay on his bed, drowning in excess pillows and too many blankets. He scrolled absentmindedly through various apps, not really focusing on any in particular. His first day of classes would be tomorrow, even if it was mostly introductions and reading over the syllabi, he was..excited, in a sense. College was his chance to start fresh, away from the Connor Project, and high school, and Evan. He could try and be less of an asshole, or at least a more likeable one. He could be different.

Jared wasn’t really sure when he fell asleep but he felt almost happy, lighter than he had felt the entire rest of senior year. 

 

He woke up to the sound of his alarm blaring directly in his ear. 

Groaning and rubbing his eyes, he went to reach for his phone from where it lay somewhere within the sheets. Finally managing to grab it, he shut off the alarm and checked the time. 

And his blood froze. 

The date on his phone was wrong. It had to be. Because it was the first day of school-high school. A small calendar notification popped up on the lock screen, reading plain as day: ‘first day of senioritis boi’, the same thing he’d set the night before the first day of his senior year. Looking around in confusion, he saw he wasn’t in his dorm room anymore. He was back home, in his own bed, starting at the walls and posters that decorated them. 

“What the fuck..”

Was entire past year just…some kind of dream? Was that even possible? It must be right? It’s not like he went back in time or something, that’s not-that kinda shit isn’t possible. However strange and off-putting the situation was, Jared could do nothing but accept that what had happened was a dream. He didn’t really believe that but what else was he supposed to think? He did his best to push the ‘dream’ out of his head, trying to get ready and leave before he’d be late. He grabbed his bag off the desk where he’d left it and rushed out the door to his car. 

The drive to school had been surreal on its own but arriving to school was even more so. An almost suffocating sense of deja vu followed him everywhere. He ignores the fact that it’s one hell of a coincidence that the class schedule he had in his dream was the same as his one in real life. He ignores the fact that when he sees Evan, he’s wearing the exact same outfit he did on the first day of school in his dream (the kid was like a cartoon character, he had multiple of the same damn outfit, it wasn’t that weird). He also ignored the cast he wore. He shoved down the feelings of bitterness that lingered from his dream and walked up to the taller anxious wreck, already pointing at the cast.

“Jesus, Hansen, how hard did you have to jerk off to Zoe’s pictures to break your arm like that?”

The other boy blushed a bright red and stammered, trying to respond to defend himself. 

“I-I didn’t-! That’s not w-what happened Jared!”

“No, don’t get me wrong, I’m just impressed you were strong enough to do that to yourself, man. Didn’t know you had it in you.” 

Evan whined, fidgeting in embarrassment and Jared tried to ignore the faint guilt he felt at making the other so uncomfortable. 

“C-come on, Jared, that isn’t.. I mean, that’s not really-“

“Yeah, yeah, whatever. Why don’t you tell me your cover story then, Acorn.”

Evan paused, looking confused. “A-acorn..?”

“Not what you should focus on, Ev. Cover story, cast, go.”

Evan hesitated before going into detail about his summer job as a (junior) park ranger, how he’d spent a lot of time in the woods and ended up climbing and falling out of a tree. Jared only half listens, focusing more on shoving down the thought of how disturbing it was that Evan had broken his arm the same way as in his dream. He sighed, rubbing his eyes frustratedly. Damnit this was gonna fucking bug him all day wasn’t it?

“Um.. Jared, were-were you uh, I mean, did you hear me..?” 

“Yeah, yeah, no I did Ev. Sorry, I’m just-.. In a weird place today. ..Did it, y’know. Hurt?”

“Hurt?”

“The arm, Evan, what else would I be talking about?”

“Oh! Oh right yeah of course, uh.. Y-yes? But also no? It wasn’t.. I mean yeah it was pretty bad at first but it went numb pretty quickly so uh, y-y’know.” 

Jared hissed through his teeth, wincing. “Ouch. I’m..I’m sorry that happened to you man.”

Evan blinked, almost surprised at the vague concern/sympathy Jared was showing him. 

“Uh.. Well y’know, it-it happens I guess ahah… Uh, h-how was your-I mean, did you have a good summer?”

Jared hummed and nodded, deciding to not over exaggerate like he did in his dream. “It was fine, I guess. Standard camp bullshit, you know how it is.”

Evan just nodded, quietly following after Jared as they walked through the halls to their home room. About halfway there, Evan stopped nervously calling out to get Jared’s attention. 

“H-hey, uh. Do you maybe wanna, I-I mean you don’t have to but like, would you like to-“

“Sign your cast?”

Evan jumped a little, not expecting Jared to stop or respond so quickly, or accurately.

“Uh..yeah.”

“...Fuck it, why not. You got a sharpie or something?”

Jared’s heart hurt a little as he saw how relieved and happy Evan seemed at his reply. He quickly dug out the black sharpie from his pocket and nearly dropped it in his haste to hand it over to Jared. Taking off the cap, Jared scribbled his name in decently sized messy handwriting. Despite his pathetic penmanship, Evan seemed extremely pleased. 

“Th-thanks Jared..”

“No problem, Ev, what’re fam-..”, Jared paused, considering his options. If what happened really was just a dream, maybe he didn’t have to wait until college to change. Maybe he could start now and save his relationship with Evan. Not that it needed saving, that was just a dream, of course. “What’re friends for?”

Evan looked at him with blatant shock before it melted into a genuinely happy smile. The kind of smile Jared hadn’t seen on Evan’s face since they were kids, before Evan’s anxiety got so bad. Jared couldn’t help the small smile that grew on his own face and motioned for Evan to follow him and he started walking again.

“C’mon, tell me some random ass tree facts that my dumbass will probably forget in like five minutes.”

Before Evan could even open his mouth, Jared found himself bumping into someone and falling down. 

“Ow, fuck. Sorry about that, man, you al..”

Looking up Jared found himself staring at a glaring Connor Murphy, alive and not just a face on a button. His heart stopped as he trailed off, looking at Connor. Of course he was here, he wasn’t actually dead, it was just a stupid fucking dream, Kleinman. 

Connor didn’t seem to take too kindly to the staring.

“What the fuck are you staring at?”

Jared shook himself out of his stupor, getting back up off the floor. “Nothing, man. You good? I’m, uh, sorry for bumping into you..?”

Connor looked at him suspiciously before answering. “I’m fine. Watch where the fuck you’re going next time, Kleinman.”

“It was just an accident man, chill.”

Strike two for Kleinman. 

Connor glared at him even more and took a threatening step forward. “I. Am. Chill. You’re the idiot who can’t fucking see where he’s going.”

And with that, Connor roughly shoved past him, stalking his way down the hall. 

Jared sighed, rubbing his temples. That..probably could’ve gone better. Maybe not, considering how volatile the older Murphy usually was. He heard timid footsteps come up behind him and a gentle hand found its place on his shoulder. 

“H-hey, are you-are you alright?”

“Yeah, I’m.. I’m fine, Acorn. Let’s just get to class, yeah? I just want this day to be over already.”

 

Later on in the day, Jared found himself sitting in a chair, leaning back as he waited for Evan to finish writing his weird therapy letter. He scrolled through his phone as he listened to Evan quietly mumble out what he typed, a habit he’d had since eighth grade. It used to annoy him but now the sound was calming, something reliably normal compared to the weird and unnerving day he’d had.

Evan has finally finished and was printing the letter out when a new voice suddenly rang out through the near empty computer lab. 

“Kleinman.”

They both jumped, whirling around to see Connor Murphy standing behind them, an almost concerningly blank expression on his face. Evan looked panicked, not a big surprised but Jared managed to keep his shocked expression under wraps, at least for the most part. 

“Uh.. Yeah? You need something?”

Connor took a deep breath, looking away from Jared and tapping his foot almost nervously. “I.. I wanted to, y’know. Apologize, I guess. For this morning. I was..a dick.”

“Oh.. Uh, yeah no, it’s fine man. We all feel like shit on the first day it’s.. Don’t even worry about it.”

Connor nodded, content to let the conversation die there. He turned around when the noise of the nearby printer pierced through the new awkward silence. A piece of paper fell out of the slot that was filled with forgotten syllabi and random abandoned documents and fluttered slowly to the ground at Connor’s feet. He paused before picking it up and turning back to the two boys, showing it to them revealing it to be Evan’s letter. 

“Uh. Is this..either of yours..?” Connor asked, turning the paper around to read the contents. 

“U-uh! Y-yeah, actually, that’s-that’s mine, uh, thanks for picking it up I guess but it’s not-! I mean I-I’d appreciate if you didn’t-didn’t-“

“What.. What the hell is this?”

“It-it’s just-! I-it’s this dumb thing I had to write f-for-“

“Oh. Oh, I know what this fucking is. You wrote this to fuck with me, didn’t you?”

Evan when pale, shaking slightly as he stammered to try and find a response.

“Wh-wha..? Why, why would I do-?”

“So you could fucking make fun of me! Make fun of the freak by writing creepy shit about his sister so you can watch him flip his shit! Is this what you fucking wanted, huh?”

It was at this point Jared stepped in, unwilling to watch this anymore. 

“Calm the fuck down, Murphy, this isn’t about you. That’s some dumb therapy assignment Evan had to write. I have no clue what he wrote about your sister but-“

“Cut the shit, Kleinman, I don’t wanna hear your fucking excuses!”

Connor turned to leave, the letter gripped tightly in his white knuckles fist. Against his better judgement, Jared lunged forward grabbing the paper and trying to pull it out of the others grip. This lead to the paper tearing, Connor punching Jared in the eye (something that would hurt like a bitch when the adrenaline) wore off, and Evan making various panicked and distressed noises as he worried over Jared as Connor practically ran out of the room.

Jared simply waved him off, claiming he was fine. He handed the form and crumpled paper to Evan, noticing that while some of the blank top half of it was missing, likely still in the furious hands of Connor, the words themselves were still intact. As a bribe to get him to quit his mother-henning, Jared offered Evan a ride home and threw in ordering a pizza for them both to eat while they watched a movie at Evan’s place. Thankfully, the taller boy (reluctantly) accepted and allowed Jared to go free with only minimal worrying.

 

A few days later, when the dream had finally left Jared’s mind and he and Evan’s friendship was finally getting back to what it felt like back when they were kids, Jared was hit by a metaphorical truck. 

Connor Murphy was dead. 

Suicide, said the principal, a faked sad expression on his face. He’d continued to speak about Connor like he wasn’t a horrifically troublesome student who he hated and stressed the importance of mental health. Jared blanked out through the rest of the assembly, the dream fresh in his mind once again. He knew what came next. 

Sure enough, the following few days, Connor themed merchandise flooded the school as people who likely never spoke to Connor outside of calling him a freak pretended to mourn over him as though they were best friends. Jared felt sick, remembering that in his dream he made buttons to piggyback off the sudden Connor boom. He refrained from doing such this time and resorted to quietly nodding in agreement when Evan remarked how horrible this was, to profit off the memory of a dead kid. 

The merchandise died out and was forgotten, along with Connor, the following week. 

Jared held his breath that week, subconsciously waiting for Evan to message him about being called to the office to speak to the Murphys.

It never came. 

There was no letter for the Murphys to find and assume Connor wrote. No reason for them to talk to Evan. No reason for Evan to lie. No reason for the emails or the Connor Project to exist at all. The rest of senior year just..continued on. No Connor Project, no emails, no elaborate lies and friendship ending arguments. It was.. Normal. A boring, normal year. 

He and Evan continued to talk, Jared himself started opening up and admitting that calling Evan nothing more than a family friend for so long was a kind of fucked up defense mechanism. Evan, though still understandably upset about what Jared had done, forgave him. Jared ended up learning how to deal with Evan’s panic attacks and became someone he could rely on to help him with his anxiety. They grew closer and he and Evan both got long, proud hugs from Heidi at graduation. She offered to take them out for dinner at a small local place and Jared ended up staying the night at Evan’s place, staying up and watching movies together until early morning. 

With no emails to constantly worry about, Jared was able to focus on his grades and ended up getting into his top choice college with a small handful of scholarships. Evan helped him move into his new dorm, making Jared promise to come back and visit whenever he could. A promise Jared happily made. His new roommate was this over dramatic but well intentioned kid named Beau, a chemistry major, who apparently also spoke French, who had clicked with Jared the second he found out how similar their senses of humor were. 

Life was good. He and Beau had hung out for a while, joking around and discussing tv shows and movies before they both retreated to their small private rooms for the night. Evan had called and he’d stayed up later than he probably should have talking to him about the classes he’d be taking this semester and about the online courses Evan was currently looking into. At around 1:30, Jared decided to turn in, saying goodnight to Evan and setting his alarm before placing it on the small desk he’d put next to his bed. 

He fell asleep, genuinely happy and excited for tomorrow. 

And woke up back in his room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> is this bad? yeah. is this out of character? probably. can I write at all? fuck no buddy
> 
> not beta’d so any mistakes are on me and I’ll take the blame for em 100%, tbh I’m surprised I managed to write anything let alone this much 
> 
> enjoy ;0


	3. Loop 2: Jared Shakes Things Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> High School 2: Electric Boogaloo

“What the fuck.”

Jared day ramrod straight in his bed, gripping his phone so tightly he swore the screen would crack. Almost mockingly, the calendar notification popped up on the screen once again: ‘first day of senioritis boi’ as the sound of his alarm was replaced by a faint ringing in his ears. He dropped his phone in his lap, roughly pinching and scratching at his arm to try and wake himself up from whatever kind of messed up dream he was stuck in.

“What the actual fuck.”

This couldn’t be happening. It was literally impossible. He could not be back home on the first day of senior year again. He’d done this already twice, in fact. He’d graduated, gotten into his top college, ended up best friends with Evan and had a cool roommate. He was a college freshman not a high school senior. 

And yet here he was, back in bed on what was apparently the first day of school.

Jared sat in his bed for a moment longer, hiding his face in his hands and roughly rubbing at his eyes. One ‘year long’ dream was weird, explainable but still weird. Two of them though was pushing his belief a little farther than he was capable of. But what else could this be? Time travel, as far as he was aware, isn’t real; and even if it was, why would it be out to use sending him back to the first day of senior year? Didn’t time scientists or whoever have better uses for that sort of technology? Like stopping the Titanic from sinking or something? 

Taking a shaky breath, Jared slowly maneuvered himself out of his pile of blankets and over to his closet. 

Whatever. This was fine. He was fine. He’s just been experiencing the longest and weirdest fucking dream of his life. That was the only explanation. He’d go to school and live through senior year again and everything would be fine. He’d be fine. 

Jared ended up being late to school. Having a mini existential crisis over having a ‘two year long’ dream probably wouldn’t cut it as a valid excuse, so he decided to just take the mark against him quietly. So much for the perfect attendance award. 

He didn’t see Evan when he got to school, probably because homeroom was taking place and, if his dreams were correct, he and Evan didn’t share that particular class. He felt both smug and sickened when he arrived at his new homeroom class (the same one as in his dream, he didn’t even remember to grab his class schedule this morning and yet he knew where he was supposed to go-) and saw no sign of the taller nervous boy. What, or rather who, he did see quickly killed any and all hopes of having a normal day. 

Connor. Fucking. Murphy.

There was something so strange about seeing a dead kid up and walking around. But he wasn’t dead. That was a dream, of course he wouldn’t be dead. The only open seat left was in the back, next to Mr. Not A Dead Guy himself. Jared slowly walked over to the seat, setting his bag and himself down in a daze. He tuned out the teacher’s shrill voice going over some kind of announcements and found himself staring at Connor. 

The bags under his eyes were dark and deep, that added to how red his eyes were suggested that he hadn’t slept. His hair was messy and even from his seat Jared could see some knots dotted throughout the dark mane. His skin was pale and greatly contrasted the black hoodie that hung off the taller’s skinny frame. He looked..tired. Exhausted, and not just physically. He had a frustrated and upset look on his face and picked at the skin on his fingers like it had personally offended him. 

Jared jumped slightly when he saw those dark eyes turn on him, glaring, cold and already void of that sad tiredness that filled them seconds before. 

“What the fuck are you looking at, Kleinman.”

Less of a question, more of an accusation. 

Jared gaped, for once speechless. His mind raced with suggestions, sharp quips that’d surely do nothing but set the older Murphy off, cold dismissals that..would likely do the same. He ended up saying-

“How was your summer?”

Both parties blinked, confused and clearly not expecting the words that had just come out of Jared’s mouth. 

“...What?”

“Your summer. How-how was it..?”

A beat of silence, filled by the teacher scolding someone at the front of the classroom for acting out already. The two stared at each other and Jared was mentally beating the shit out of his brain for making him ask such a stupid question. He was even more shocked, however, when his unintentional olive branch was accepted, with a healthy serving of suspicion and a sprinkle of hostility.

“..It was fine, not like its any of your fucking business. If this is just some set up to some bullshit joke, I swear to god-“

“It’s not! I just-.. I was just curious. Uh. Did you..do anything fun? You don’t have to answer, I’m just.. I’ll shut up now actually.”

Connor paused at the response, looking over him and glaring suspiciously before his gaze softened the most miniscule amount. 

“..Unless you think wandering around town at three in the morning is fun, then no.” 

“Oh. Cool, that’s..that’s cool. My summer was, uh, kinda boring. I mean, I went to a summer camp and all but nothing really happened. I did get shoved into the lake and nearly drowned but I mean that’s just what you do at camp I think-“

Oh god, he was rambling. A horrible nervous habit he’d had yet to kick. Not that he’d have to worry about that, he was certain Murphy would manage to find some kind of insult in his mini speech and kick his ass. Despite this, he couldn’t stop himself from going on and on about camp. It was mortifying but once he got started, his proverbial word vomiting would just keep spilling out until someone physically shut him up. 

“..and then Jeremy set the beds on fire, I still have no idea where he got the matches but I know it wasn’t an accident, and the raccoons are still attacking our cabin leader and-“

“For fucks sake, do you ever shut up, Kleinman?”

Jared closed his mouth with an audible click, nervously fidgeting with his hands as he looked at the taller boy to search for signs that he should get up and run.

Instead he found..well, annoyance. Definitely annoyance but also..something else. Something that made Connor look less, worn out; almost relaxed-or at least as relaxed as someone like Connor could get anyway. A person with a death wish would even dare to go so far as to call the look in Murphy’s eyes ‘vaguely tolerant’. 

And like the genius he was, Jared’s smart response: “No, I’m legally required to talk constantly or my government agent will reach through my phone and shoot me.”

A beat of silence followed by a small but unmistakable huff of laughter from the taller boy. 

Jared blinked, doing nothing to hide his surprise that Connor did, in fact, feel emotions other than anger. Not only that, but he’d laughed-laughed, at something he’d said. 

Oddly enough, it was comforting to him. This was proof enough that he was just trapped in a lucid dream deep enough to make Inception look like a toddler’s bedtime story. This odd almost banter (could this even be called banter?) was clearly a sign that he was still asleep, as there was no way that he’d ever be able to make Connor goddamn Murphy laugh.

Emboldened by this realization, Jared cleared his throat and tried to continue the conversation before this magical little moment died. However, the teacher decided to turn her screechy voice onto him, demanding his attention and likely damaging his eardrums. 

Wincing, he gave a brief glance to Connor, who’d already turned away and pulled up his hood, before turning to the front of the class to zone out until the bell. 

During the brief hallway rush between classes, Jared decided to run to the office. Perhaps he was just being paranoid, but he imagined that knowing what class to go to without even having a schedule was bound to be suspicious. On the way, he ran into Evan. He offered the taller boy a smile and quickly scribbled his name onto Evan’s cast before he could even begin to ask. He promised to catch up with him at lunch (they’d have the same period, he already knew) he continued on his way to the office. 

The rest of the day passed by uneventfully. Connor popped up in a few of his classes and he was greeted with a nod of acknowledgment on the occasion their eyes met. He calmed Evan down during lunch from a small meltdown over the less than friendly encounter he’d had with Connor in the hallway. 

Later on in the afternoon, Jared stood guard next to the printer that Evan’s paper would come out of. He tapped his foot nervously, eyes darting between Evan, hunched over the keyboard and mumbling quietly, and the door. He knew what happened next and he would prefer if things didn’t play out in a fight, again. 

And sure enough, Connor eventually came through the door, looking uncomfortable and tense. Jared shifted from his position at the printer, catching the taller boy’s attention and offering a small smile in the hopes of helping the other relax. 

Connor paused before he nodded back and Jared saw the tension in his shoulders lessen ever so slightly. 

Jared tuned out the apology and awkward, half hearted attempt at conversation the two made, choosing instead to focus on the printer. He jumped slightly with each click and noise the machine made, watching the print tray like a hawk for Evan’s letter. 

It barely managed to fully land in the tray before Jared snatched it up, folding it in half to ensure that no accidental sightings could be made. 

He relaxed then, stepping closer to Connor and Evan and took the pressure off them by using his ‘incredible charisma’ to take control of the conversation, letting them relax and react instead of having to speak themselves. He joked about some of his teachers, made a few jokes that neither of them would get (does it count as stealing if he starts a meme that doesn’t technically exist yet?), and how horrible the rest of the year was bound to be. 

He was rewarded with a small, grateful smile from Evan and another small, almost unnoticeable huff of laughter from Connor. 

Jared smiled back, slipping the letter into Evan’s backpack so nothing would happen to it. This felt..good. The atmosphere was light, lighter than one would expect given their three personalities. Connor eventually left, with a halfhearted wave over his shoulder (and a middle finger in Jared’s general direction when he called out a high pitched goodbye after him). 

He offered Evan a ride home and stayed over to watch movies, much to Evan’s surprise and Heidi’s delight. 

The next few months went by smoothly. His friendship with Evan improved much in the same way it did in his previous dreams, his grades were perfect-going through the same material for two years helped apparently, he even managed to build a shaky, but positive frenemyship with Connor. 

Jared didn’t speak much with him outside of school, assuming he didn’t want to deal with their banter anymore then he had to. 

Until one week, towards the end of the year, Connor didn’t show up to class for a week. 

The following Monday, the school was called into the gym for an assembly. 

Connor Murphy was dead.

Jared froze in his seat, staring disbelievingly at the aging principal at the podium. The same speech about mental health was given and Jared didn’t listen but knew every word. His blood froze in his veins and next to him, he could feel Evan placing a hand on his shoulder and heard him calling his name quietly. 

He brushed it off, letting his mind drift away from his body for the rest of the assembly, the rest of the day, the rest of the week. The next day, Connor merchandise spread through the school like a plague. Jared faintly recalls pushing over a bowl full of Connor keychains and buttons while the girl selling them had her back turned. He mumbled to Evan during lunch about how horrible this was. Evan agreed, saying it was awful to profit off of someone’s suicide. 

It wasn’t what Jared meant but he nodded along anyway. 

Exams came and went, followed by college applications and graduation and end of the year parties (and by party, he meant a small but lively dinner between himself, Evan, and Heidi before retreating to Evan’s room for a movie marathon). 

He once again moved into a dorm, with Evan’s assistance. He ended up having a new roommate, though he stayed in the same room. The kid was named Krim, he was short (shorter than Jared though they were the same age), had long straight hair and wore an eyepatch-apparently he was recovering from some sort of eye surgery. 

He reminded Jared of Evan and they got along fairly well. Jared declined the offer to talk more, saying he was tired and retreated to his room, still filled with unpacked boxes. 

He sat on his bed, head in his hands. He took a shaky breath and picked up his phone, staring at the time. It was still somewhat early, too early to consider going to bed but Jared didn’t care. He turned his phone off, setting it down on the small, cheap nightstand to charge. 

He stared up at the ceiling for a while, contemplating what was going to happen next. 

“Please,” he mumbled, shutting his eyes and forcing himself to relax, “I just want to wake up.”

He eventually drifted off to sleep, managing to distract himself with thoughts of his classes enough to fall under. 

He woke up back in his room and screamed.


End file.
